Whenever we are growing or learning new things there comes a time when we are not who we were and are not who we will be. We are in a state of transition. This “identity crises” can be a place of vulnerability. We are at a crossroads. The choices made now are not ones that will be easily changed in the future.

 My world of yesterday was a world of comfort.

I knew who I was and what I was to do. Expectations were clear for me and I knew what to expect from the others in my life. But things are different now. I have grown. As an adult I grow as a person. This may not be as easily identifiable to the people in my life. They may see a few changes on the outside. But much of the change has been an inside job, only visible to someone looking at my heart.

 How do I make it through this time you ask? For if we are really living life; we will go from one state of change to another. There will be times of settling in, but these will again lead to more change.

Don’t make major decisions when you are tired. When you are tired the good is too good and the bad is too bad. Rest brings objectivity.
Have an accountability person in your life, and expect them to hold you to the goals you have set previously.
Continue to reevaluate and measure goals against “life values”. Although goals will change, “life values” will not. These will act as a compass in the midst of whatever may come your way.

Remember that whether your opportunities were chosen or thrust upon you, it is not so much what happens to us but what happens in us that matters.

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Many parents may look forward to that day when their child, now an adult, moves out into the big world; this is a celebration of a job well done. However the pride of accomplishment is tinged with loss, sadness for the childhood that has gone by. The little arms that would wrap themselves around a neck as they said “I love you” are all grown up and off to start a family of their own.

 The better the change…the worse we tend to feel about any feelings that aren’t “all good.” In fact, often we just want to bypass or detour this part of the journey. However, a detour won’t take it off your map, because to fully embrace the future, the past must find its home.

 In going forward, there is always leaving behind. There is a part of you that is now only a memory, as the new you goes on. This “feeling” is completely normal, and although often uncomfortable, we all experience this “grieving” when dealing with significant change…even the good stuff.

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I have always had a thing for plants. There is something therapeutic about the process of working and growing things. A number of years ago I realized that not only do flowers bloom according to seasons, but so do weeds. Right now we have the long and slender stemmed yellow flowered weed. The leaves are somewhat fuzzy like a Gerber daisy and they pull out of the ground fairly easily when you get tired of the disruption to your golf course green. Next comes a similar purple flower with a tall slender stalk.

The leaves are quite different, much narrower, and prolific and stand up higher; but again these pull out fairly easily and make great bouquets for small children wanting to please their mother.

 ”So what,” you are wondering. I just reach over and pull the weeds out, it isn’t a big deal. However, all weeds are not created equal! After these come another much closer to the ground. They look like small roses, tolerate extreme heat and little rain, thriving even when all the grass has given up. Just try just pulling these out…good luck. Just as there are seasons in the plant world, so there are seasons in my life. As much as I work towards life balance, there are periods of time when there will be an abundance of opportunities.

 When we moved into our new house several years ago we chose to clear the back portion of our property ourselves wanting to create a lush Florida friendly yard…our version of Sunken Gardens.

 The first year I had mixed results. We had these beautiful lavender flowers on a stalk that somewhat resembled a sunflower. Going for the natural look, I left them excited about the beauty that was already available on my developing sanctuary. However when the black and yellow caterpillars began to strip my “snow on the mountain” down to bare stems, I have to say I wasn’t near as tolerant, spraying them with incredibly toxic substances and celebrating as they dropped off.

The funny thing is that the lavender flowers turned into these horrible stickers. (Have you ever just wanted to throw the clothes away rather than face the tedious chore of trying to get those things off?) And the bugs that I eliminated were the larvae for the butterflies I had wanted to attract. I had gotten so caught up in the ugliness of stripped plants; I had eliminated my opportunities to see the beauty that could have come.

 The funny thing about weeds is that what one person might consider a weed, another person might plant. And where some gardeners hate and spray for insects others plant to attract them.   Yet what defines something as prized or rejected is not necessarily the thing itself, but the viewer.

Weeds #2: The Bugs Are Back! —>

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When I work with my clients, I have the opportunity to bring clarity and focus into their lives. However, what is frequently apparent is that no matter how great I do that with others…it is extremely difficult to do for myself. There is an old saying “You can’t see the forest for the trees”.

Well, I am incredibly fortunate to have phenomenal coaches, counselors and accountability people in my life…however there was this one thing that had been nagging at me for a couple months. I had all this material; I was wading through it, but just couldn’t seem to find a common thread…voila…an hour with a friend earlier this week made it all seem so simple and so obviously apparent.

If you don’t have someone in your life who can give you objective feedback from a point of some expertise…find someone who does it well, whatever it is. Spend time with them; give them permission to give you feedback and to hold you accountable to follow through on your discussion.

 Life changes when I do!

Joy Beyond Freedom is a Journey!

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